


Pâquerette (Without Me)

by killshot



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Huang Ren Jun-centric, Lost Love, M/M, Sad, Teen Angst, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 06:10:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16382819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killshot/pseuds/killshot
Summary: Renjun hopes he is happier now.





	Pâquerette (Without Me)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this was a quick thing that i felt like posting so bhfebuyew it obviously hasn't been read over or anything so!! enjoy! also renjun:(

Renjun was detached.

 

He felt little to nothing, and when he felt anything, it ended in sobs. He knew he would be fine in the long run, but these first few months without Jaemin was hell. He knew he was better off now. They both were. He heard Jaemin quit running away, and that was good! When they were together, Jaemin was almost never at home. He’d be sleeping on a park bench somewhere or staying at his cousins. He said hated how small his room felt and how it made his brain feel the same way. But since he started dating Jeno, he’d stopped. He had peace of mind, and Renjun wished nothing but the best for him, no matter how much he wished  _ he _ could’ve been the one to stop him. He hoped Jaemin’s brain didn’t feel so small anymore, and maybe Jeno helped him clean his room to make that bigger too.

 

That doesn’t mean Renjun didn’t miss him, because he did. He let his mind linger on the thought of having him back much longer than he should, and he knew that. He missed how he left open goldfish bags on the counter, or how he’d leave Renjun little post-it notes on his bedroom window on his walk to school, because he knew Renjun never went in on time. 

 

Renjun was a puddle. Walked on, walked in, walked through. He hoped Jeno was better. No, he  _ knew _ he was. He knew Jeno well enough to know that he and Jaemin would make a better match than he and Jaemin ever did. 

 

Jaemin deserved love. Love better than Renjun could’ve ever given to him. He hoped Jeno filled his shoes, and Jaemin was able to finally sleep soundly, like he never could when he was with Renjun. It wasn’t Renjun’s fault; he did all he could do and they both felt so, so bad that they were both never enough. Never fit into the right places, never worked as one.

 

With Jeno, Renjun watched, slowly, as Jaemin’s face began to look more relaxed. The bags under his eyes were going away, which means either he finally got sleep, or Jeno taught him the wonders of concealer. The corners of Jaemin’s mouth were up more often then down, and although Renjun might’ve been the opposite, he felt truly happy for him on the inside, and wished he could bring himself to say it. To himself. To his mind, so he could let it go, and move on and start worrying about himself again after worrying for two for so, so long.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed this Trashy Emo Mess of a fic and i'm sorry it's so short!! comment if u have anything u want to say!! i love reading them<3  
>  twitter 


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